hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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