I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
