can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
