I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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