sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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