if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
