its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
