I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
