Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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