My nipple is on Facebook.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We're too hungover to prance.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
