also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
