his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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