Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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