I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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