You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
