U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
