My nipple is on Facebook.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
