even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
