one might say we're banned from that church
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
