ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's blow job season.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
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