I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
