I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It was confusing and full of hummus
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We need to get me chipped asap
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
