I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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