so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
