have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize