you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
