every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
