i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
