Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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