I think I died a long time ago.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
