I cockslap morals
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
