it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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