I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
