Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
