I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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