my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize