Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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