So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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