fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
