i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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