I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
