if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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