i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
