I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
