"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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