I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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