if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
