is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
