Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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