What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
