You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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