Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize