Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
