I'm really into asian looking animals
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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