so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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