omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
