Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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