i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
