you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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