Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
