New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
