you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My legs feel like baby dolphins
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
