Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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