dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
