do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
